Are the habits we treasure the ones keeping us apart?
The trade-offs we don’t talk about
Last May, I ran into the grocery store to grab a few things for dinner. I wasn’t planning on staying long, but right outside the produce department, I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in ages.
We ended up chatting about summer plans, our kids, and life in general. We promised to catch up when the busy summer was behind us.
How many times do we make those promises, fully expecting them to fizzle out?
But this friend—my “yes” friend, as I’ve now come to know her—actually reached out. In September, we met for a casual lunch. Over salads, we laughed, reminisced, and shared hopes for the months ahead. When I mentioned how much I’d love to join a book club, she immediately said, “Let’s start one.”
We did it, and that book club has been one of the brightest spots of my fall. It's brought together old friends and new faces. It's sparked early morning walks, tons of laughter, and even a spontaneous day trip during this hectic holiday season.
And it all started because I didn’t skip the grocery store that day.
I think about that moment often—how serendipity lives in the spaces we almost rush past.
The Four C’s That Quietly Shape Our Lives
It got me thinking about what steals connection from our lives.
There are four sneaky habits I call the Four C’s: comfort, convenience, choice, and control.
They’re not inherently bad; in fact, they can make life easier and more efficient. But when we over-prioritize them, they come with hidden costs.
Comfort: It's tempting to stay in, especially after a long day. But sometimes stepping into discomfort—a gathering where you know only one person, or a brisk walk with a neighbor in the cold—can spark unexpected joy.
Convenience: Technology lets us skip the "in between" moments of life: grocery lines, gym classes, or neighborhood meetings. But those face-to-face moments might have created something longer lasting.
Choice: Keeping your calendar open might feel freeing, but unstructured time can slip away. Saying "yes" to even one planned commitment can anchor your week and deepen relationships.
Control: Having things just so—our pace, our timing, our preferences—can make us reluctant to collaborate or compromise, and connection becomes harder to find.
A Quiet Invitation for 2025
As 2024 comes to a close, I invite you to consider where in your life you have prioritized comfort, convenience, choice, or control at the expense of connection?
Where have these Four C’s helped make your life easier—and where might they have taken more than they gave?
Could you sacrifice a little comfort or convenience in 2025 to open the door to unexpected joy?
I’m not suggesting a radical overhaul. Just a small shift. Maybe it’s saying yes to a neighbor’s holiday party or pausing in the coffee shop line to chat with someone you recognize. Perhaps it’s being open to a slower pace when you’re with your parents or kids, savoring the moment instead of rushing through it.
Community isn’t built in grand gestures, rather we find it in the tiny spaces where we choose connection over efficiency.
Serendipity is waiting, but it needs space to appear.
Celebrating the joy that awaits you,
“Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.”
– John Lennon
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